Last evening, I bought another art book to add to my library. And I'm very excited to immerse myself on learning how to use watercolor properly. I skimmed it last night and it's filled with illustrations, and inspirational techniques and insights on watercolor painting.
To tell the truth, I had been feeling extremely guilty as I hadn't been able to accomplish the tasks I had been planning for so long. Procrastination sets in, but most often, the apprehension that settles in when starting to work on something is what dominates in me. Perhaps I haven't got that much will or courage to face that kind of negativity. But based from experience, whenever these things happen to me, it's usually kind of like gaining energy or momentum. At one point, I might be very sluggish or lazy, but then a minute strikes, then I start to get working. It's more like having a mood swing of some sort.
As regards to the tasks I had been mentioning, the first one is that I haven't started translating the booklet which my mom requested me to write. It's written in English and I have to translate it in Filipino. Honestly, I feel very uncomfortable in reading and writing on this language; as I've been dealing with English almost all of the time. Filipino is more of like using so many adjectives and flowery language which are only equivalent to one word in English. And another thing is that I find it very challenging to translate well and capture the essence of the original writing in English. Perhaps I have to get working on that soon.
The second task is that the blank canvas hadn't been painted yet. The tubed paints are getting dry and this year's coming to end and yet I haven't started painting yet...
I had been so preoccupied on taking and processing pictures, preaching about religion on a website called facebook, etc. And for that matter, I think it's really time to step back from all of these and then focus on what's really important and get them done. I've done my part and spent a lot of my time on informing people about religion.
It's a great relief to be free from following the expectations of people, isn't it? It really means a lot to me now that I've learned to protect my heart from unnecessary disappointments. It's not a matter of being accepted based on following their expectations. It's a matter of accepting oneself, and respecting ones self worth. It's about staying away from what's not deserving of our attention and energy, of not allowing anybody gain the upper hand over our identity and self-respect, and focusing on the bright and positive things in life.
