21 October 2023
A Quick Blog Visit
Hello blog! how are you? I decided of trying to visit here for a while to give some life updates that I had for, let me see, more than a year. Yes, I had my previous entry last July 2022. So, in my previous entry, I wrote about my research... hmmm, well things had progressed a bit in my research. It underwent initial review and revision, and now I'm down on the final step of revising it after it went through peer review. If things will work out, after this revision, I'll be proceeding to the next steps before being able to gather my data.
I know that it's taking quite a long bit of time, but I want to take it on my own pace, making sure that the paper is polished before submission. And, with the other workload that I have right now, including my private practice and studies, I would like to believe that I am able to manage things even if it takes a toll on me on certain days. I am at this point in my life where I am filled with gratitude because many of my dreams years ago had become reality. Even if there are days when I wake up and wish I rested a bit longer or feel frustrated, fatigued, or filled with worry, if I would sum up how I see my life right now, every day, I am filled with so much awe and passion that it is never enough, to sum up in words all these feelings that I have towards life.
05 July 2022
New Update
“Believe in your heart that you're meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles.”Roy T. Bennett - The Light in the Heart.
Hello blog. Yes, it is me and I know... it has been a year since my last writing. I just want to jot down some random thoughts here and unless doing so, I might sacrifice my sleep for tonight. So here it goes...
So apparently, I am currently at a very busy mode at this moment in my life since October 2019 after I became a licensed psychologist. Perhaps I may write about the entire journey in another date here. And as the months went by, the license was not actually being fully utilized in the sense that I am not working full time in the clinic as a clinician, rather, I became an academician teaching at my alma mater university - which was by the way, one of my fulfilled dreams since college.
So, my job require that I also conduct a research which is aligned to my research interests- but due to so many reasons, in one way or another, the paper cannot progress to its expected track for these two years. There has been these dilemmas at the back of my mind about how is it going to proceed or even the actual topic of the research may be. Will it be a quantitative 'scientific' paper'? Or will it be a qualitative 'in-depth' analysis paper? All throughout my years studying psychology, I have been a hard-headed anti-numbers person, preferring to align into the intuitive instead of the lifelessly cold side of the field that is dependent on numbers and peer-pressure to conform to the norms. And this is where, I think that the paper is taking so long to be conceptualized. I am thinking, what if I can confirm this hypothesis, and then what? Will it even make sense? If I'll pursue the much in-depth method which is time-consuming, will it be worth it?
These delays may have been costly considering that there are a lot of paper and abstract presentations with the online conferences and trainings that I attended, but then, why should I try so hard to pressure myself to produce or write something just for the sake of completing a requirement? I want to feel that I can write this paper whole-heartedly, with passion, and to know that I really worked hard for it.
Next, so this paper that I am writing about has some leanings with the concept of creativity and imagination. I had identified three variables namely: mental imagery, fantasy proneness and psychological well-being. I outlined the variables on an excel file and identified the guides I need to construct the first part of the paper, which is the introduction. Shown below is the title, the variables, and the guides for the review and introduction to the paper. I plan to do a multiple regression analysis for this quantitative research, but...
As I've written earlier, I am NOT a numbers person, so whatever this paper may produce may not make any sense to me as the author. And then, on the other side, if I will write a qualitative paper, I will definitely do it with passion and this excitement and curiosity about how the process will turn into a finished work- what I am looking for is the excitement and passion, and the curiosity of how things will turn out especially on the findings.
What actually motivates me to continue to write or pursue this paper (whatever its method will be) is my curiosity with the creative process and how images are produced in the mind and then how the creator observes or identify themselves with the process, and what the images actually means to them- I do not know for sure if it will be possible to achieve these goals given the time and commitments that I have right now. Then, I found myself tonight, having this sudden urge to write something here because I was watching a documentary about how a favorite band of mine, Kings of Convenience were coming up and working with a song entitled, Rocky Trail- how they came up with ideas and the work that came about with completing the project- which involved traveling across countries and doing recordings in various locations around the world. In addition, what I am actually looking for are statements coming from creatives like this post I encountered on Facebook:
“I enjoy drawing in many different ways, and I’d like to think that whatever comes out is the absolute truth and sincere expression of what it is I want to do. Whether I’m drawing on my sketchbook or my iPhone, I love making new images that I haven’t seen before. It’s all improvisation, and sometimes, it takes numerous drawings and studies to figure out how to get something interesting. I’m always looking for that exciting and unknown feeling, like hearing a new song for the first time.” — JAR (Jose Antonio Reyes)
The creative process is not always this linear and neat, or predictable to say the least. It involves tension, inspiration, passion, miracles, chaos and discovery in the process to create something new. I guess I may need to allot special time for this project as soon as my preparations are good and ready for delivery for the new school year.
That's it for now, thank you for reading. I will be frequenting this space for the time being.
09 February 2022
The superstitious know how to reproach people for their vices better than they know how to teach them virtues, and they strive, not to guide men by reason, but to restrain them by fear, so that they flee the evil rather than love virtues. Such people aim only to make others as wretched as they themselves are, so it is no wonder that they are generally burdensome and hateful to men.
25 February 2021
New Entry
Hello, it's almost two years since I last wrote a text entry here and since that last post, I guess, it would be self-explanatory to say that many things had happened since then. There had been significant, let's say, wins or successes and they are noteworthy, although they may seem to be not to others. I also remember writing on my notebook, an unfinished entry where I described several rejection experiences which made me question a lot about where I am supposed to be- those rejections were by people who proved to lack the courage to tell me upfront the reasons why.
But anyway, that was two years ago, and looking back, during the span of months starting the end of 2018 until mid-2019, the turn of events made sense to me, and relating it to the plans of a Higher Power, the events that transpired not only made sense but are well-planned. I had to wait for a lot of years and endure a lot of hardships in almost all aspects of my life to realize where and to what I was really preparing for.
Yes, I can say that I am happy, grateful, and was able to understand the many ways that fate had turned out to be, but at the same time, I cannot claim for any sort of entitlement or credit... simply because if there was one thing that I can be certain of to have learned all these past years- is to embrace the nature of uncertainty. Ahhh. Why am I writing these? It feels like, because of all these uncertainties, I am aware that there is a possibility that anything can happen within the span of a very short time unexpectedly. And that awareness is keeping me grounded on my feet, instead of assuming myself above a certain level of certainty.
Okay, that's it for now. I hope (fingers crossed) to be updating the space this year and also to add in some of the entries I wrote on my notebooks to fill in the gaps that were missing for 2019-2020. Sorry for the long absence.
Love,
Maica
11 October 2020
22 April 2020
15 September 2019
01 September 2019
04 April 2019
Winterthur Garden
Watercolor Pencil and Lacquer on Watercolor Paper, April 03, 2019
(Hover and click photo for detail)
28 March 2019
Inner World of Truth and Beauty
Tossing Up the Rainbow Bubbles by Ida Rentoul Outhwaite, CA 1931
These past months since the eve of this year, I found myself in between times that seemed that a lot of things are no longer making sense. And it's not about me anymore or what I actually demand of the world, but how things are happening and what they are supposed to be according to the expectations of the people around me are going through constant contradictions. The disparity becomes overwhelming when the unavoidable and the unexpected happens and one is gripped to hold on even in the presence of helplessness in order to survive. I suspect that this is not limited in today's world, but is always present since human beings had formed the sanctum of inner self-awareness, that there will be many instances in the lifetime of a person that one's foundation of values are not compatible in present reality - and one has to compromise them in order to survive. Most often, the problems that one also encounters in life are not because of own personal follies, but in dealing with other people, and the immense pressure of adjusting to them to the point of sacrificing one's integrity.
There is this beautiful and timely quote by Marion Woodman, a Jungian analyst, about going through these changes of self and one's own point of views,
There comes a time in your life when you know that the life you have been living is over and you don't have a clue who you are becoming.
This is apt because these realizations spark the beginning of changes in ones own life and self. They may not at times, seem visible to the senses but they are perceived within ones own mind. In this process is a gradual discarding of ones deeply held beliefs not because one is helplessly adjusting or adapting to the outside world, but because they no longer stand the test of time and are no longer helpful to ones self and well-being. Why am I thinking about this? On the first day of this present month, I was finally able to submit the hardbound copy of my graduate school thesis and at last, earned a long-awaited end of obtaining my diploma after few days of submission. I felt a sigh of relief, of having a dark cloud above my head go away, and felt the burden of waiting removed from my chest and my head.
However, the initial excitement of having finished the degree gradually waned and it was replaced with feelings of betrayal and disappointment. These feelings were due to circumstances that revealed the not-so-good motives of many people whom I trusted, and as a whole in the entire profession itself. This sense of realization for these feelings were what I had, in the recent years before I decided to want to practice my field again lead me to turn to other diversions which, I was fortunate enough to have contributed to my spiritual and intellectual growth.
They are not new to me, and seeing them arise again through people and circumstances is now, eventually leading me to think and move forward to refining my set of values, and to at least harness them in this constant growth process. This reconsideration is not limited to people, but in critiquing what needs to be critiqued, to constantly strive for authenticity, to stand on ones truth, and to never deceive oneself or other people.
Hypocrisy is often a mask that is worn by people to hide their hidden agenda, and it is not advisable nowadays to trust everybody. Caution is the key and it is important to reserve one's attachments to those who, through the test of time had earned one's trust and moral support.
Hypocrisy is often a mask that is worn by people to hide their hidden agenda, and it is not advisable nowadays to trust everybody. Caution is the key and it is important to reserve one's attachments to those who, through the test of time had earned one's trust and moral support.
And I think, with these thoughts and musings that I came to realize that to sacrifice one's own truth to accommodate or to fit into the mold of other people's standards or values is not worth it if it costs one's own health and growth and the price is disappointment and betrayal. The essence of ones own boundaries and truth is important in a world that constantly gaslights and manipulates you to follow its whims of who it expects one to be and abandon the spark of the inner world of truth and beauty.
22 February 2019
31 January 2019
Quick Book Review: Canaletto
Canaletto by Katharine Baetjer
The Stonemason's Yard by Canaletto
Canaletto is a mysterious Rococo artist of cityscapes of the Italian Renaissance. This book features his biography with selected essays on his work and technique, including a portfolio of his masterpieces. Highly recommended for those interested and appreciative in the arts and art history.
