11 April 2012

Old Days

I don't know if my hiatus was for the better or not. I went through many life changing experiences which changed a lot of my principles and views about life, and I think, it still goes on. It's about three years or so, and I had been enduring some traces of pain from a sort of mournful event. I closed my doors to many people, including my friends, and many acquaintances as well. I closed my life to the outside world and went through a lot of life reflections. In front of my eyes, I clearly saw and still seeing that the things and people I valued the most were not how they really are, and as time went on, I realized how disillusioned I really was. Perhaps I still closed my eyes to the harsh and bitter realities of life. As I went on trying to understand and know what is happening, the world is fast changing, and people are all busy with their lives, and it seemed that as time passes by, I am becoming a stranger.

As I insist on sticking to what I believe in and maintaining my silence, standing still in the middle of the turbulence that happens around, there were many instances as if I was being shoved and pushed away, which I think the reasons being that I refuse to change. Could it be? Or is it me who is changing? There were so many questions I wanted to ask...and at the end of the day, there is silence. There were even times when I didn't expect that a childhood friend whom I valued a lot could change that fast as to treat me like a stranger. It's a sad and hurtful truth and most of the time, I have to accept that it's no more use of expecting that people whom I valued once will always treat me the same as the old days
I never expected that people change a lot. Nor did I thought that my bestfriend will really change. I guess that's life really, people change, some go, and some stay, and it's no denying that we get hurt when they go. Sometimes, we bump on people who were really close to us years ago, just to see that they no longer remember us today.. Change is permanent, and we have to live with it. We even have to embrace it, but as for me, though they might forget me, they will always be on my memory just like they were many years ago. As we go along the way, we encounter new people and make new memories, most of which are very unexpected.
I still manage to go on and pursue many goals and projects. But one of the things that bother me a lot is the habit of 'trying to hold on,' sometimes, a refusal to change. I get sad easily by these things...and it's a freeing experience that once they had come out of my chest, I am more at ease within myself.
"How wonderful is the state of the believer. All of his affairs are good for him! And that is not so, except for the believer. If he has cause to be happy, he is thankful, and that is good for him. And if he is afflicted with hardship, he is patient, and that is good for him."
- Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
When the tables have been turned, the firm belief that it is Allah Who is the best planner of our lives gives me assurance that everything that happens is for the good, and for a better reason. There is hidden wisdom behind every trial, and the Destiny that God had prepared for every person is what is the best for him. I need to be more patient in waiting for the Will of Allah, and I believe that it in having the trust for His plans and working towards righteousness will finally answer my questions and my prayers.