04 September 2011

29th Update

I'm now back to work. I'm especially re-energized for the past few days after we celebrated the end of the month of Ramadhan, and we went to the beach together with my parents and younger siblings, strolled at the mall, ate yummy food (cake, ice cream, grilled fresh fish, rice, and a lot more). I enjoyed the travel, some picture taking, sightseeing and breath in the fresh sea air, and most of all, I felt a lot lighter now.

After seemingly heavy days for the past year, I had proved to myself that God's promise indeed worked for me, that

"Verily along with every hardship is relief." (Qur'an 94:6)

I learned a lot about myself, about others, about faith, life and wisdom, suffering, redemption, and healing. I prayed and asked God for forgiveness to my sins and shortcomings, and for strength and guidance to help me pass through my trials. I painted and honed my skills in art, I wrote down my hatred and suffering, I made essays, I became focused on my work, I read a lot of books and absorbed every bit of them, and learned ways on how to apply the new-found knowledge and put it into practice. I learned that not all things and people are how we thought they really are, and most of the time, our positive view about them is not always true, a lot of them had me lost my respect and trust for them, and they lied, deceived, manipulated, controlled, and they played with my emotions.

After a serious isolation, study, and self-reflection, I re-learned to gain my lost sense of self and confidence, rationality, wisdom in life, started to work towards my goals, re-invented myself, tossed away defeatist and pessimistic thoughts (I blew off my anger, hatred and frustration through nu metal), gained control of my emotions though common-sense thinking, I developed a clearer view of who I really am as a person, and analyze my thoughts and behavior objectively.

Amid all the trials that I went through, I discovered that God loves me, because when I believed that I could no longer survive, here I am, I became an even stronger person. I learned to overcome my perceived anxieties  and fears and I am more at peace with myself and with the rest of the world. I could not have been stronger like this if God didn't give me this trial. My thinking is clearer and my principles in life and religion are well-defined. I came to appreciate even more, the importance of truth and genuineness to oneself, with ones words, with others, no matter the costs.

I never waste my time and I see to it that every day of my life is spent in worshipping God, doing good, and in being productive. I will never allow myself to to be enslaved with anybody's treatment, perceived bias thoughts, with false flattery and destructive criticism, with circumstances which are beyond my control, and with my emotions and thoughts which prevent my growth to become a better person.

This life is only a trial, we may be deceived with false appearances, statements, words and actions, which may at first seem to be for our well-being, but  when time comes, we realize that what we believed was true was only meant to deceive and manipulate us - because that in reality was how they were meant to be programmed. That's how modernity, consumerism, and technology are being used nowadays. It's a serious and big business to catch the emotions of people, play with them, and use their lives and thoughts for the satisfaction of desires, self-interest, power, money, and lust. And through this observation, I see people falling victims in this trap - the more they lose their grasp in their faith in God, self-awareness, service and kindness to others, the complete way of life that God has guided us with - the more they destroy themselves - they become materialistic, vain, always seeking fame and popularity, just so they can be better suited and belong to an environment and society they always allowed to define them as persons.

To be free is by submitting everything to God and not becoming enslaved with the deceit and lies of this world. This awareness becomes a way for me to strive to do what is good because through goodness and virtue is earning God's pleasure and a hope for a better life in the Hereafter.