27 June 2012

On Coming to Terms




I was supposed to write some things that are happening to my life right now, some thoughts that occupy my mind every now and then. And when I came up with that line from a book by Aidh Al Qarni, I realized that it sums up the life reflections that I had been undergoing through these days. I must say that I'm a person who likes to reflect about life and its meanings, and learning about where I came from. I look both at unfortunate events and beautiful blessings as both that God had willed to happen. Everything that God plans for every person is ultimately for his own good. I had also written many times before that I always look back at the past not only to learn from it but also to come to terms to it and bring a past chapter to end and eventually, to let it go. I guess my days in psychology school had a very huge impact on that particular mindset and perspective of mine. I don't know exactly why, but I have such a fondness for nostalgia - memories that bring warmness to the heart. And this fondness may sometimes even couple with despair and sadness because these memories are also accompanied with many unfortunate events.

I often wonder why I find myself so distant from people (except my family), particularly from from my so-called friends and acquaintances from many years back. Could it be because I love introversion? Or is it because they accuse me of being aloof? I don't think so. I could be the warmest and understanding person if they will only take the time to know me better and not judge me merely on the surface. Probably, it's because I just hate many things that I see around me, including the many nonsense that I see them doing right now. I could go on and now ranting about the many things and people that I dislike, but who am I to judge them? I may dislike so many things, but those are just based on my personal preference or opinions. I believe that though I'm saying my opinions, it is only God who has the right to judge between the differences of His creations. So I eventually stay away from the things and people that I dislike and which God orders me to be distant from and avoid. Through the help of God, I constantly evolve as a person, and I never stop learning. I stay away from the artificial and focus on strengthening my mind and my faith. 

As I grow older, I look forward for changes of perspectives and priorities. And among those changes include having a general concern for those who are less fortunate, suffering and those who are in need of understanding. Maturity with proper wisdom comes as a result of growth. And maturity also entails transcending beyond judging others, constant complaining and self-centeredness, towards reaching out, making a positive impact on other people's lives, and doing good for the sake of God. 

Finally, I wouldn't mind if nobody won't recognize me anymore when I walk on the street. This might end and I will not apologize if I stay away, because what I'm running away from are the things that will bring me farther from the faith that God had given me. And it's no longer my business to keep up to date with the news of other people's lives if the artificial relationships fostered through the internet are not based on the genuine reality that real life affords. So be it. I don't like the noise, the artificiality, the showing off, and bragging, much less the seeking of attention, popularity, approval, and fame. I am only a quiet girl who lives a simple life. I prefer truth, humility and genuineness. God willing, I always strive to become a better and mature person, and Alhamdulillah, slowly, I'm coming to terms with the past with better hopes for what the future brings.