47th Update

A lot of things had been troubling my mind for the past few days, and I had been reflecting on some priorities and decisions to be made. I got an extremely low grade on my recent exams, though disappointing, I felt not totally saddened by it. I was anticipating this long beforehand as I didn’t totally focused on reviewing for the major subjects. It was a kick in the teeth, or perhaps, a sign for me to reconsider my plans or start evaluating what priorities must be given the foremost attention. Probably, my grade would still be within the cut-off for AUF requirements, and in case it wouldn’t qualify, there are two options: either an exam retake or a decision shift. This would call for a thorough weighing of situations, in order to take a path that leads to a proper direction.

My life and my time are passing me by and still, here I am, unable to move, or perhaps, I really don’t want to move. There are barriers and obstacles, of course, but I understand that these things are becoming excuses to not move forward, to simply stick to what is familiar, and to let myself be controlled by them because I believe that I’m trying to avoid responsibility. But time passes by so quickly. I cannot sit here waiting all day, dreaming, hoping, and getting frustrated, blaming myself, blaming others, why my goals are not met or being put into action. My life has to go somewhere because a heavy responsibility lies on my shoulders because Allah entrusted me with this knowledge and learning which must be utilized for the service of Islam. I wish to live in a productive manner and to contribute to society, and I am afraid that as time passes by, I might forget what I have learned, I might forget that I have a responsibility to undertake, and that my life would be lived in an aimless and a useless manner. I want to become a doctor, because of many reasons. I hope that Allah will guide me as to where my life is heading to, how I will live it according to the purpose He created me, and to be of service to humanity.