Hello blog, I just arrived at the library a few minutes ago. I've been having chills and fever for three days, and I decided not to take my fast today so my body could recover just for now. This is what usually happens to me when I'm over-fatigued and stressed, and the tiredness doesn't have anything to do with my job, it's more on thinking too much accompanied by worrisome anticipations. My body is still aching, and I have a dry and sore throat, but hopefully I'll get better before this day ends. I need to get properly hydrated as well.
I hadn't been into an active lifestyle lately with no rigorous exercise, and it truly weakens health, and mind. Unlike those previous years when I had been going to places, walking to and fro, sometimes stretching my bones and muscles, even my vocal cords, now, I literally sit almost all day long, losing all interest in human communication and interaction (where there are numerous reasons why). I get impatient when having to exert effort on physical activities, such as cleaning the house and organizing things, walking, etc., getting very tired easily, and also losing a lot of focus and concentration when doing what I have to do. My memory is likewise, also weakening. Just this morning, when I was about to go to the office, I realized that I forgot where I put the keys, so I was forced to go back to our house just to locate where I put the keys...oh my, I'm getting old and very forgetful!! I thought I had put them on my backpack yesterday, but when I opened my bag, they weren't there. When I got home, I was surprised that they were kept by my father and thus he gave them to me. I sighed with a sense of relief as I was on my way to the library, being very thankful that at least, the keys weren't lost.
Perhaps, even my fever has something to do with the inclement weather lately. The rains had been frequent for the past few weeks, and many places in Luzon, particularly on Manila and nearby provinces had been drenched with floods. Many families were forced to leave their houses and temporarily stay on evacuation centers. The skies had been grey and rains would fall anytime during the day. We are very fortunate that we are living on a high-lying area and our drainage systems are well-functioning, praise God, Alhamdulillah. :)
The month of Ramadan is drawing to a close, and I'm very thankful that I'm alive and able to experience it once more this year. It is a blessed month that teaches sacrifice, patience, discipline, and empathy for others who are less fortunate. It also strengthens faith because fasting is done not to be seen of people, but to be done purely for Allah's (swt) sake. Ramadan is a blessed month where more righteous deeds are done, evil deeds are avoided, and blessings and charity are shared to others.
I'm looking forward to overcoming these weaknesses of mine, this lack of patience, weakening memory, and so on and so forth. But I believe that I cannot do it on my own, I'm such a frail and sensitive creature. Neither can I depend on myself or on other people. They just would only hurt or disappoint in return. I had learned the better way of relying to Allah (swt) alone, putting my hopes on Him.
Only Allah (swt) can strengthen this weakling, that is me. Insha'Allah.
